I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
