Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
