We're facebook friends in real life
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
