she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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