if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
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There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
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Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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