I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
