Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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