the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I still have a little drunk in my system
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
