I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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