gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
