You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
