He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
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Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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