I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
