i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
