His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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