I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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