hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
