and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
