Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
