Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
