I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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