I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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