Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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