I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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