Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
