Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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