Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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