If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
it was like eating out sand paper
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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