I wish I could punch you in the face.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize