The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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