there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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