my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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