why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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