dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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