Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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