I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Randomize
