i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
