The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
