2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
