Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
