hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I touched a dick in church today
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
