Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
