my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
