I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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