apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
