I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
