i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
