i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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