Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
