I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
