The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
