y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
