True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
