Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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