I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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