The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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