Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
