Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
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She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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