Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
