You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
