the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
