I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
