I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
