just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
