I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
