shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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