There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
