I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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