My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
