My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
