They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
