six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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