i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
